I'll Stay
by EagleRay
Summary: Just a short, postepisode piece for Dead Man's Party Season 3. Came to me suddenly.
1. I'll Stay

Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire slayer doesn't belong to me. She's the property of someone rich and famous – so…not me.

* * *

"_You're leaving again?"_

_It's not like anyone will mind. You guys were doing just fine without me._

"_We were doing the best we could. It's not like you left us a lot of choice in the matter."_

_Why are you attacking me? I'm trying._

"_Well, maybe I don't need to understand. Maybe I-I just need you to talk to me."_

_How could I talk to you when you were avoiding me?_

"_This isn't easy, Buffy. I mean, my life, you know? I'm having serious dating and I'm studying witchcraft and killing vampires."_

_You wouldn't understand._

"_And I didn't have anyone to talk to about this scary life stuff."_

_Sorry that I had to leave but you don't know what I was going through._

"_You were my best friend."_

Those words and a thousand others swirl through my head as I simply stand in my room staring at the open duffel bag on my bed. That very same bag that held my entire life. Everything I would need to start a new life somewhere – anywhere – was right there and ready to go. I had already had it packed before _you_ interrupted me.

I hear the swish of a broom or two downstairs as the others are cleaning up the mess left behind by the zombie horde that invaded my home and crashed the party. Well, I guess I wasn't sure it was really _my_ home anymore. They'd all proven how much they trusted me now. Xander had lied to my face the very last day I had seen him, Mom had pretty much thrown me out of her house once she found out I was the Slayer…

I was able to beg off cleaning duty, saying I was tired from fighting zombies. Of course I wasn't but only one person down there would ever know I was lying. In reality, it was the thoughts flowing through me that were making my head throb.

And as I'm staring at the bag – my ticket out of this place – realizing how pathetic it is that I could run away with half a bag of stuff and call it my entire life, all these memories resolve themselves into a single thought, a solitary question:

_Why did it have to be you?_

If anyone else had discovered me upstairs during the party, I could have climbed out the window and run without looking back. I could have shoved past any face that tried to stop me; Xander, Mom, Cordelia, Oz…

But not you.

From the first words out of your mouth, confused and then angry, I knew that leaving would tear me apart inside. And with every word after that, culminating in a very upset, extremely teary Willow, my resolve to leave broke down bit by bit. Until I knew I wouldn't leave. At those last words out of your mouth, I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

"_You were my best friend."_

That doesn't make staying any easier. Because now I've got another problem to deal with. Not only do I have to live with the looks of betrayal from everyone else… _You were going to run again, but you saved us from the zombies, so we'll let this one slide._ But now I have to figure out why you have such power over me.

From the moment we met, Willow Rosenberg, you have occupied so much of my mind's musings, day and night. Your quiet, shy nature was adorable, and your easily kindled excitement infectious. The first time I saw you smile, I knew I wanted to be your friend. I _needed _to be your friend.

When you'd looked at me with such pained and enraged eyes not an hour earlier, I had known in that moment that you were so much more important to me than I'd realized. I was so blind to not have seen it sooner. When I was in LA, who was it I had missed? I'd missed everyone at first, of course, but one by one they'd each fallen away. First Mom, then Xander, Oz, Cordelia… It took a month for Giles' face to fade from my constant thoughts. But even after three months, through my little jaunt into Hell and back and on the bus ride all the way back to Sunnydale, your face was so vivid and alive in my mind. Every night for the entire summer, I'd fallen asleep with your name in my heart.

Who would have thought that such a shy, unimpressive but amazing soul could bring a Slayer to heel?

I hear footsteps and I don't need to turn around to see who it is. I don't know if it's a Slayer thing or just a matter of you being you, but I have always known when you were close to me.

"I killed Angel," I speak without being prompted, without giving you a chance to ask about the open duffel on my bed. "The portal was open and I had to kill Angel to close it."

I hear you quick intake of breath at my confession. "Is that why you left – because you killed Angel?" At my silent nod, I hear you sigh and take another step into my room. "We would have understood, Buffy. We could have been there to help you through that." I feel a hand on my shoulder. "I know he meant a lot to you, but Giles was right – he wasn't the same anymore. Angelus-."

I freeze.

"Don't call him that." My words come as swift and sudden as a whip's lash, but there's not bite to them, no venom in my tone. "If it had been him I wouldn't have left. I killed Angel."

"Oh," that one syllable encompasses an entire world in this small, fragile moment. "I'm sorry, Buffy." Your hand tightens on my shoulder and I find myself being pulled in tight against you in a comforting, healing hug.

"And if I'd known," I turn in your arms to stare into your eyes, "If I'd known that you were trying again, I would have known to work faster – to stop Angel from opening the portal in the first place. I would have been better prepared for what would happen."

"What? But-," You pull away to stare at me, confused. "I told Xander to find you and tell you what I was doing."

I feel my anger at him rising again now that it's been validated. "Oh, he found me. And he told me your message. I kicked Angel's ass just like you wanted." I smile humourlessly at your stunned look.

You stand there frozen for whole seconds. "I see. Now I understand why you left." You nod sagely, your brow furrowed in thought as you pieces it all together, the picture of calm, collected Sunnydale High student.

"There were other factors involved." I mutter under my breath.

"_Oh_," suddenly you're an intense ball of energy, pacing a square foot of space, "When I get a hold of him, I'll-," you burst into a series of incomprehensible monosyllabic sounds, seemingly at a loss for words. "I don't know – but there will be pain. Lots of pain, Xander in pain!" You're making weird gestures with your hands, like you're tearing something up – or you're banging two sticks together. "_Ooh_, I'll get him," you start to whirl around and dash out my door, but freeze, your eyes locked on the bag on my bed. "You're leaving again?"

Between the déjà vu and your enraged antics, I want to burst out laughing but I contain myself. I'm still thinking about leaving or not… I dare to look up into your eyes, those brilliant, pale green eyes.

One look at the instant sadness in them and I know exactly where I'm going. Crap. Life can never be easy can it?

My silence seems to have answered your question. "I thought we just had this argument." You sound frustrated with me.

I smile thinly, "Yeah – it was interrupted by the zombies."

You freeze, eyes wide, your body still as the wall behind you. "What i-if we get interrupted again, only this time it's by werewolves?" Your forehead wrinkles suddenly and you're off before I can say a word. "But how could they? Because the full moon's not for another couple weeks for one thing, so maybe it wouldn't be werewolves." You pauses again, but only for long enough to suck in a breath of air. "Oh, what if it were vampires? No, but they'd have to be invited in and none of _us_ would invite some strange vampire into the house. Hey, can you invite a vampire into a home if it's not your home? Or is there some kind of home/homeowner relationship? But if anyone can invite a vampire inside then it's not a very good deterrent to Vampire home invasions, is it? So maybe it wouldn't be vampires either, but then what-," You stop and stare at me, confused once again. "Buffy?"

Throughout your entire babble-fest, my smile's just been growing bigger and bigger until by now I've burst out into a small fit of giggles. "Oh God, do you have any idea how adorable you are, Will?"

You duck your head just a little, hiding behind your bangs. It would work better if your hair was still long. "You don't mean that," you argue, "and hey! You're not answering me – are you leaving?"

I risk stepping closer to you so I can pull you into a loose hug, stilling your distracted pacing. "There's only one person who could get me to stay and all I have to do is look into their face and I have the strength to go on."

I see the way your face falls and it almost makes me smile. God bless my Willow's innocent heart. One look into those blessedly expressive green eyes and I know I'm lost. If there is a Heaven anywhere on this Earth, I've just found it – and she's beautiful.

"Oh," you try to step away and I let you. "I-I'll get Xander."

This time, the surge of anger I feel at his name is accompanied by a bitter laugh forced from between my lips. "Not Xander," I turn my back on you and stare at the bag again, my mind drifting back to the last moments I spent with each of my allies before leaving Sunnydale. That's all they could be to me anymore; I couldn't trust them like I used to.

All but one.

My words stop you and you turn to face me. "Giles?"

I smile more happily this time, "Will…" Her thoughtful frown deepens and I can't help but laugh.

How could I have not seen it sooner?

Your shoulders slump in defeat, "Oz?"

I shake my head, still smiling as you get farther and farther from the truth.

I mean, who had always been there for me? We'd disagreed plenty of times, but in the end, we'd always come back and rebuilt our trust. We'd always had each other…

Until I ran away and ruined everything.

Yes, I've seen Heaven, but I'm not there. I don't deserve to be there after what I've done. After I so easily threw our friendship to the winds at the first truly difficult moment of my life, I couldn't possibly hope to ever set foot in Heaven again. Besides, Oz is a great guy – who am I to try and get between you?

_But…_

"Your Mom?" Your face is going to crack if you think any harder, your frown is getting so deep.

_This…_

One eyebrow goes up and disappears under your hair. "Cordelia." I shake my head, giggling softly at the thought as I stand with my back to you.

I can live with this. If I can simply catch a glimpse of Heaven, I could live without ever being there.

I hear the tiniest whisper from behind my back.

"…Me?"

I turn around slowly. "Willow…"

_I think I've fallen in love with you._

You take a couple steps towards me – tiny, hesitant steps.

_You don't ever have to love me back – I'll be fine._

I reach out my hand and you accept it without a second thought.

_I'll be better than fine, because…_

I pull you into a tight but gentle hug, and I stare into your eyes for an eternity before reaching out to plant the briefest of kisses on your warm cheek, drawing out the cutest squeak of surprise from the amazing creature before me. Then, I draw back and stare into your eyes, speaking two words to you.

_I'll do better than live, because…_

"I'll stay."

* * *

Well, there you have it. Hope you liked it. Let me know what you think?


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